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What can you make of a night when a drag of a cigarette lights up more meaningful memories than sitting alone in silence? When a long inhale makes you think of more earnest things you can do with your life than steady contemplation; when sobriety is a word you wish held more weight than the beer you hold in your hand.

Nights like this sink deeply into my midnight fingers. I try to conjure the words my sentimentalism wishes to portray. Maybe I fall short, like reaching for a bottle of wine that holds no more liquid, and the corner store has closed its doors, no more drink to fumble through, no more sudsy memories to create, a captionless image gone horridly quiet.

A siren calls somewhere in the distance, an ambulance rushing to someone in need. But whoever rushes to me? Who thinks of my smile, and all the times I have gone out of my way to make you laugh, or when I told you I would grab take out food because you had a long day?

Is there a mechanism that emotion cranks into, a lever pulled that will bring all the hurt into palpable silence?

Or do these nights scream, just a lengthy fucking exhalation, like oxygen isn’t good enough, the night puffing on pessimistic decline, because it tastes acidic enough to write about, deliberating on all the bad and forgetting to remember the good, like a comedy show, where no one can remember the jokes but can remember that they laughed, if only for a time, more clearly remembering the bad acts and how they got booed of the stage.

Have I become a sop? Do people ever think like me? Or has this moonless night played tricks on my suggestive mind, to the point where typing these wicked thoughts garners more silver than gold?

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3 thoughts on “More Silver than Gold

  1. Contemplation, with an end-result of understanding and then closure can be the idea medicine for the heart and soul! Trials and tribulations build character and helps us to become well rounded adults. “Silver and Gold” makes for a very very good Yule tide song! Wicked thoughts sprinkeld with noble thoughts is the premise behind classic novels and movies! Balance is the ultimate spice of life!! Dad

    • Love how you say “balance is the ultimate spice of life.” I totally agree. Because how can there be happiness without sadness, and vice versa. Anyways, happy you enjoyed the read, Dad!

  2. When the actions we make for others, are not appreciated, what then? Does that remind us to be more self-considerate? There seems to be so many layers to looking after oneself, more facets than caring for others.

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