I asked if she would stay, she always said no, I asked if she would walk with me outside in the moonlight and she said no, it was too late, the moon might ruin her sundress, I asked if she wanted to love me, she said no, I knew she was lying, she said no again and I fumbled for her hands and felt her pulse and the calm collected heartbeat she called her own and knew she was not lying, I asked her why and she could not answer, this dream girl of mine in this nightly dream of mine, her face nothing in particular but everything at once, I dreamed myself closer to her, I held her wrist at the spot where heartbeats thump thump and she said no again and I wondered why, this is me, I said, this is me and all of me and she said no once more and the sound of me letting go felt like a clap, the way we parted like a clap, not an ovation, a clap of something irreparable and I asked her why, she said I don’t know, my dream girl in this nightly dream, then she was gone quicker than all her nos and all my yeses and I wondered why me, and why this, and what now, and how now, and the stars tricked me the way they shone down offering vaporous support and the waking left me tired and numb and the sleep did not bring her back, I had to wait for another night, another tired night with tired sheets and tired pillows before my dream girl could dream herself into my head, and all the while I heard that no and tried to tie all my dreaming dreams into a dream possible yes, a yes, a yes…


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